He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
