Someone shit on the floor
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
