I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
