You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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