this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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