This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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