How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
