I accidentally had phone sex last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
