if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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