We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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