from now on my penis is your penis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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