i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
