when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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