So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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