Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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