fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
