I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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