Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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