You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
