Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
