yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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