she woke up with a sticky ear
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
