24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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