"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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