At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
