TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
