he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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