I'm jealous of your bromance
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
