I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
