How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
