Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
