Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
