im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many fucks given?
0.12846
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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