When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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