No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
