Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The ass gains better be worth it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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