Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
