there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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