He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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