I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
