We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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