I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
