By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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