I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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