DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
