she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
