Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
