You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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