In the future we'll all be gay
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
