I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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