Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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