i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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