I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
